Embracing the Fight: Freedom From Thyroid Cancer and Open Heart Surgery
Hey there listeners, welcome back to another episode of She's Free2Fly! I'm your host, De'Shonda Lucas, and today we have a special and powerful episode lined up for you. We're diving into the personal journey of our guest, Erica Lamar, as she shares her experience with health scares, surgeries, and the importance of self-care and faith. From Erica dealing with an enlarged thyroid to my ordeal with open heart surgery, our stories are sure to inspire and motivate you. We'll explore our journies of self-discovery, navigating the healthcare system, and finding strength in God's plan. So grab your headphones and get ready for an episode filled with resilience, determination, and the power of embracing your fight. Let's get started!
Transcript
Les Perch. It is the Shonda from she's. Free to fly podcast. Today I have a special guest, a dear friend of mine. We have been friends for over 30 years. We matriculated through middle school and high school together, and life just brings you back around to just who you are as a person. And it's so wonderful to reconnect with people who really know who you are, who know your journey, who can see how much you've grown. And we can have true, authentic conversations about our life experiences, both good and bad.
De'Shonda Lucas [:So on today's episode, we're going to talk about our health journeys. So, Erica, welcome to the podcast. Welcome to she's. Free to fly. I am so happy that we can connect today. I can remember when you first launched Embracing the Fight. I actually listened to your first episode, and I was just like, look at my classmate go. Just being authentic and being your authentic self, always kind, always graceful, always giving, always willing to just express what's going on to help somebody else.
De'Shonda Lucas [:And so for that, for every woman who's ever listened, I truly, truly say thank you. I truly thank you for just being honest and letting people know it's not good all the time. And when it's not good, sometimes it can be therapy to express to others and share with others your journey. So please share what made you launch your own podcast Embracing the Flight and what that has looked like.
Erica Lamar [:So the reason that I came up with Embracing the Fight was because, if you think about it, growing up in the remember the only people in your generation, like your grandparents and aunts and uncles, whenever there was an issue, whether it was a mental or physical issue, nobody really talked about it. Kids got pushed off into the back room like, oh, this is grown folks conversation.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Stay out of grown folks business. That's what they told me. This grown folks conversation going in their place, right.
Erica Lamar [:While all that's going on, you miss the pieces as to why either A, your family was falling apart, or B, somebody was sick and then you just didn't see them anymore. You had all these questions. And then as you got older, you learn to keep all these things internal. You learn how to mask it with a smile, or you just learn how to say when people say, well, how are you? I'm fine, knowing all the way down. I started this conversation because I wanted to normalize the conversations concerning physical and mental health issues.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Okay?
Erica Lamar [:So when I got thyroid cancer, I thought this was an amazing opportunity to do this.
De'Shonda Lucas [:So let me ask you, it's not like you're a senior. How old were you when you found out you got thyroid cancer?
Erica Lamar [: see. I found out in August of: De'Shonda Lucas [:Okay.
Erica Lamar [:And just imagine being 45, and I had cancer previously, that was it. I had a dermato fibrosarcoma protubering, and it was on my foot. How we like to wear shoes, right? And I had a knot that was about that big and about this.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Okay.
Erica Lamar [:And about an inch or so thick. And it would show up sometimes, and sometimes it would go away. And I'm like, what is this? So I went to the podiatrist thinking that, okay, they're just going to cut it out and come no, they cut it out. The ear was turned gray. It started doing some different things. I started having pains in my feet. So I was like, no, this is something else. And they sent me to an oncologist.
Erica Lamar [:They determined what it was. And at the time, I was 27 years old. Oh, my God.
De'Shonda Lucas [:My life.
Erica Lamar [:This is not what I'm looking forward to. This is not going to work. And from that point, I started looking at my health more seriously rather than from a banking perspective, in a sense.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Okay.
Erica Lamar [:When you look at your outward appearance, everybody expects you to look a certain way. When you have things going on internally, you have to have your guard up.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Right.
Erica Lamar [:There's something that's wrong here. I need to get this checked out.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Right.
Erica Lamar [:And that was my first battle camp.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Okay, this is round two. Okay, so back to round two. So thankful that you made it through round one and you were able to get the help that you needed. And sometimes in life we get a little trinkle to prepare us for the big things.
Erica Lamar [:That's right.
De'Shonda Lucas [:And not that cancer, any type of cancer is a small thing, but it seems like you were able to deal with what was going on with your foot, which was almost an introduction for what was to come later. So tell me, what did that look like later?
Erica Lamar [:So it actually had me on high alert.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Okay.
Erica Lamar [:I knew if you have a lump or if you have anything strange going on that you need to get it checked out. But in this instance, it wasn't that way because I just thought, I'd been gaining weight. So I'm looking at my neck and I'm thinking, oh, my neck was just getting larger. Gain weight. That wasn't the case. And the doctor that I had, she just kept telling me, oh, you need to lose weight. You need to lose weight. And she was doing tests, she was doing everything that she was supposed to do, but she wasn't looking at the results the way that she should have.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Okay.
Erica Lamar [:Because if that were the case, they would have found out that I had an issue maybe five years ago when I first went in and complained about it because I was tired, my hair was falling out, I was gaining weight, my skin was dry. I had all the telltale signs and issues with my thyroid. Not necessarily thyroid cancer, but a thyroid issue. Okay, and I kept going to the doctor. Kept going, kept going.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Okay. Can you go down that list one more time on what were some of the signs that there was an issue with your thyroid? I want to make sure this is really clear. So if any listener is having some of these issues, then they may go get checked themselves, okay?
Erica Lamar [: , okay? I mean, I was gaining: De'Shonda Lucas [:Okay.
Erica Lamar [:I found myself to be thirsty.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Okay.
Erica Lamar [:I was extremely fatigued, and I couldn't focus, and I didn't realize that brain fog was one of the things, too, that you would notice, because your thyroid basically controls your metabolism, okay? And it helps regulate your body temperature like that. So at one point, I was thinking, maybe I'm going that change, but I wasn't trying to tell me, hey, you need to do something to me. Check me out, okay? And I was doing it, but my doctor was ignoring it. This is my gynecologist that actually found.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Out what was okay. And sometimes the doctor that finds out is not the doctor that you would think would have found out, all right?
Erica Lamar [:Because the gynecologist, she was just looking at me, just in general, okay? She's like she's like, Your thyroid is enlarged. And she sent me that day to get an ultrasound. And after she got the ultrasound back, she called me right away, and she said, hey, this is huge. She said, I was thinking maybe 2 CM or so. She said, you actually had six. I'm like, Is your neck really even that big? And she's like, It's going this way, right? East to west is going, like, north to south, okay? And she explained that. She's like, don't think that it's cancer, because a lot of people have gord. There are other issues that you have that can cause a mast to be big, okay? And she's like, Just don't worry about it.
Erica Lamar [:Get some rest. Do something that you enjoy. Get your mind off of it. And then next week, we'll go in and have you tested, okay? So from that point, she sent me to Endocrinologist. Endocrinologist sent me to a general surgeon because they want to give it off. But then in that process, a storm came through. Can do the surgery. The next time I was supposed to do the surgery, I had seen a neurologist because I was hearing, like, a ringing in my ears, okay? And when the ringing would come.
Erica Lamar [:I was like, it doesn't happen all the time, so I don't have any permanent damage in my ear. It was just happening.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Okay.
Erica Lamar [:And she did all these tests. She found out that I had back to five light. Had I had that program in September, I would have had a stroke or some other, like, Target. Something would have happened.
De'Shonda Lucas [:When God says no.
Erica Lamar [:Right? Exactly.
De'Shonda Lucas [:When God says no. Okay.
Erica Lamar [:Right. The surgeon read all of that and said, no, we can't do it right now. We have to send you to a hematologist, get all this before you can do anything.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Wait a minute. What does a hematologist do?
Erica Lamar [:Hematologist studies your blood.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Okay.
Erica Lamar [:And they can tell you, like, if you have genetic defects within your blood, like the factor five lightning. What that is, is it causes your blood to clot more often than not.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Okay.
Erica Lamar [:So I had to have blood clots and didn't know that I had one on my leg after I played tennis.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Wow.
Erica Lamar [:And it was hurting where was going on here? That blood clot was on my heart.
De'Shonda Lucas [:And you've been an avid tennis player since we were kids. Okay. Wow. Okay.
Erica Lamar [:I did not know I had any of this going on in my body.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Okay. All right. So then what happens next?
Erica Lamar [:So then after I had all the surgery and everything, everything went extremely well. That's good. So I started showing my journey on embrace and fight. From that point, I let everybody see where the score? Because if you look now, you really can't see it because it's right there.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Okay.
Erica Lamar [:I had a drain. I had everything going on, but now all is well, in a sense because I had a radioactive iodine to remove the rest of the thyroid sales when you have surgery, all right, the surgeons just cut out the organ. They don't make a decision cut like, say, butchers when they're trying to trim that. So they just get out the organ because they don't have so much time, because when you're cutting in this area, you don't have a lot of space and it bleeds profusely.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Okay.
Erica Lamar [:You have to do it pretty quick.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Okay.
Erica Lamar [:One of those surgeries that last five, 6 hours.
De'Shonda Lucas [:All right? Okay.
Erica Lamar [:Once they get it out, they know that some is going to be left behind because they're not going to go back in and say, oh, it's right there, let me cut it out. They just say, okay, we're going to come back. We're going to determine if you need radiation or anything like that. Because it was so large, the vents were so large on my thyroid, they had to do the radioactive iodine in order to kill the rest of the cell. Now, the radioactive iodine for younger women that are looking to get pregnant, have kids, they advise against it for at least a year.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Okay.
Erica Lamar [:So it doesn't do anything else to you around pregnant women? Or children. Right. When you have this done, okay, because you're basically blowing you're radioactive, okay? 6ft away from people after you get this done. That was an interesting hold on.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Wait a minute. Okay. I've never thought about this. Now you make me think about stuff. Okay, so when people have cancer and they get radiology, they're radioactive.
Erica Lamar [:No.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Okay.
Erica Lamar [:Radiation. They'll go in and they'll put, like, the thing that's like a cast, okay? They do the radiation on them. Radioactive iodine eat it. You actually put in your mouth. So it's coming back out.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Okay.
Erica Lamar [:Radiation is going in to try to kill whatever this is. This is going straight to the thyroid cells, and then it's coming out through, like, slapper tears, all your bottle of goods. It's coming out that way, but it can come through your skin, like, if you're sweating, going around, sprinkling radioactive matter. In a sense, that's why I called it my glow day.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Your glow day. Okay. What is your glow day?
Erica Lamar [:So that was a day that they actually administered me the radioactive iodine.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Okay?
Erica Lamar [:It was a three step process because some people choose not to get the shot to reduce the thyroid hormone that's still being produced in your body. I opted to do it because otherwise I would have go 30 days without taking the thyroid medication. And your body basically goes into a stupor.
De'Shonda Lucas [:When you do that.
Erica Lamar [:You're tired, you're listless, can't focus. I'm like, no, just go ahead and give me a shot. So they give you a shot on either cheek because you get to they wanted to spread the pain, I guess. And then after you get those shots, on the day that you get the second shot, they give you a small dose of radioactive iodine. Then they do a full body scan to kind of see where those thyroid sales are now and if they are indeed, like, cancer cells. And then the next day, you come back and you get a high dose. I got 164.8 milli cures. That's an extremely high dose.
Erica Lamar [:So over time, this take maybe three to six months for it to be completely out of my system.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Okay?
Erica Lamar [:But the very first day, it was like, as soon as you take it, a whole bunch of it back out of being expelled. But now it's over time.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Okay, so how have you since the procedure, how do you feel now? How's your energy level now? How's your fatigue? How are you just feeling as a whole person now?
Erica Lamar [:Okay, so the first week afterwards, I was tired because I felt like my body was fighting. And I would wake up, my eyes would be dry, my mouth would be dry. I'd be extremely thirsty because your body is fighting. So it's working hard while I'm sleep, and I wake up and I feel exhausted, but it's better and better each day that's good morning. When I got up, I was like, I feel good. I don't feel like how I was feeling the other day, because one day I had to call into work because I just could not, okay. I couldn't get up anything, and by the time I got up, it was almost noon.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Okay.
Erica Lamar [:And I go to work at Do, I get up for work at 330 in the morning, and I'm at work by five, and if I'm getting up.
De'Shonda Lucas [:At noon, that's almost another full night of sleep, right.
Erica Lamar [:In addition to the full night of sleep. So I slept maybe 14 hours.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Wow.
Erica Lamar [:But see, now I'm at a point where I feel better.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Okay.
Erica Lamar [:But everything tastes like bacon soda.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Okay. Bacon soda. Okay.
Erica Lamar [:So a lot of people say that when they get the radioactive iodine that they have a metallic taste. Not me. Everything tastes like baking soda, okay? Water tastes like baking soda, candy tastes like baking soda. Fruits, vegetables, I don't care what it is. It all tastes like bake soda. And they said, oh, this might last four to eight weeks or three to six months, whatever. And I said, Well, I'll be losing weight because I can't stand the way this stuff tastes. Right.
De'Shonda Lucas [:It might be a blessing in disguise. Okay. I'll take the bacon soda. I don't want but a little bit of it. Are you back to playing tennis?
Erica Lamar [:So I will be maybe in a week, because I could be playing the whole time. Okay. It's just a matter of finding some folks to play, right?
De'Shonda Lucas [:Yeah, man. All right. So embracing the fight. What are three ways that you have embraced your fight?
Erica Lamar [:So I embrace it spiritually first, because regardless of what any of the doctors say or anything around you had to say, it doesn't matter, god has promised it. So I knew then that I had to take Him and trust Him, have faith. And I knew that in embracing the fight, when I bring other people on to talk about their testimony right. I am supposed to encourage I am supposed to inspire them regardless of what I'm going through. Because I know that if I trust God like I say I do, I'm not going to show anything else on the outside. Sure, you have those moments where you feel like, oh, why me? And all that, but none of that equates to anything. You can't help others help yourself.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Exactly.
Erica Lamar [:And the only way I feel like you can do that is if you keep yourself grounded. So that's one way.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Okay.
Erica Lamar [:The second one was with my health in general.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Okay.
Erica Lamar [:So I had gotten to a point where and I know the guys were to be like, every day I had started just going to eat fast food, okay. Because it was easy, it was quick, I was tired, all those different things. And they would come in and say to me, how are you going to help somebody fight if you're not giving it the right stuff to fight with. Like, you up here eating ice cream, hamburgers and fries, and I'm like but I gave in and started to cook more and eat, and I've noticed that my energy is changing. So it could be a combination of things. It could be because I'm eating the right door, right? And it could be because I'm healing as well. And then the third thing financially, so before I got into all of this, I was one of these people that would give give help. And I said, oh, I can always make more money.
Erica Lamar [:But then when tragedy struck and all these mental deals start coming, company wasn't being like they were supposed to, insurers, not paying as much as you would like them to. Then it's like, hold on, wait a minute. Do I really need to go to these things myself? Why am I paying all of these things? I'm not being a good okay.
De'Shonda Lucas [:So.
Erica Lamar [:He expects more of those that he gives more to, right? So long as he don't keep giving me more. And I'm over here doing people that I was giving to. Might have been people that he wanted to go through something in order to get them closer to him, but I was blocking their path by just saying, here's thousand dollars.
De'Shonda Lucas [:You better say it. You better say it.
Erica Lamar [:And now that my little whale is drying up, those people know where to find you.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Better say it. Let me tell you, if Erica take care of everybody problems, what is God going to do?
Erica Lamar [:Absolutely.
De'Shonda Lucas [:They ain't got no reason to depend on him, right?
Erica Lamar [:He's going to come to me and say, okay, look, look at all of what you give to these people where they know, right? And I'm still here, right. So those are the three things I learned.
De'Shonda Lucas [:All right. You learned them. You learned.
Erica Lamar [:Absolutely.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Congratulations. I think you should as you should. As you should, man. Okay. One thing that you would tell to anyone listening who has questions about their health.
Erica Lamar [:So if you have a question about your health, go and seek advice. Don't wait, because that thing inside of you, that intuition, is speaking to you. It's God speaking to you saying, hey, something is not right here. If you're not crazy, go ahead and get this checked out. The longer you wait, the worse.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Right? And so this is so perfect. This is exactly what made me listen to Embracing the Fight. And when I heard the beginning of the podcast, the beginning of your first episode, like, I didn't even know this was going on. And so I was just curious of what did this journey look like for her? Because I remember my own journey. I was what, 33, 34 years old? And in that year, I had bought a new house. I was a single parent, and my daughter was young and she was in every single thing school, dance, soccer, probably at his point, just everything you could think of. And there was always somewhere to go. There was always something to do.
De'Shonda Lucas [:And at the same time, I had just started my doctoral study, so I was in school getting my doctorates. So the stress of trying to buy a new house, the responsibilities of being a parent, I also had a government contract with the state that I was working on, and I was working on my daughter's. So I was so used to being tired. Like, sometimes you can live at a particular state for so long that you think it's normal. And so I had began to think it was normal that I was tired. And I had been self employed for a few years at that point. And so for a while, I didn't have health insurance. So I'll never forget.
De'Shonda Lucas [:It was September. My new health insurance kicked in, and the first thing I did was schedule me a physical because I needed because I hadn't been to the doctor in like a couple of years. Now, my daughter had health insurance, of course, but I did not. So when I got new health insurance, the first thing I need to do and I know this I got to take care of me, because taking care of me takes care of everything around me. If I don't take care of me, I can't take care of my daughter. I can't take care of my household. I can't be there for my family. I can't be there for my friends.
De'Shonda Lucas [:I am the center of my world, so I have to take care of me. So I'll never forget. Like, I set that first appointment up for physical, and it was actually a nurse practitioner who saw me. And a lot of times when people make their initial appointments, they want to see the doctor. They don't want to see the nurse practitioner. Baby, just let me see somebody. And God was so good and so amazing. She was so wonderful, and she was so thorough, and she went through every single thing.
De'Shonda Lucas [:And I had been to doctors before doing regular visits growing up, but she was just a great nurse practitioner. And I want to give nurses and nurse practitioners credit for the work that they do, because they are frontline workers. You see the doctors after you see the nurses. You know what I mean? Yes. You see the doctors after you see the nurses. So we went in, and of course, they do your weight, and they do everything, and they put you on the EKG machine, and she comes in with the report, and she says, your heart rate looks a little irregular. And I was like, oh, okay. And I'm not tripping.
De'Shonda Lucas [:I'm like, okay. She said, can we take you next door to do an X ray? So I was like, yeah. So I walked out of one room and walked into the other, and they did an X ray on my heart. She says, the left side of your heart is enlarged. And I was like, oh, okay. Now, I had never been sick in my life. I think I got stitches when I was a kid on my hand. But outside of going to have a baby, and I told people, I think in an episode before, I don't know nothing about having no baby, honey.
De'Shonda Lucas [:I went to sleep, I woke up, and I had a baby, okay? Nothing about having no baby. Having a baby makes me nervous. Like, right now, my legs are clenched so serious. I don't know nothing about having no baby. I went in. They gave him epidural. It didn't work. He pinched me.
De'Shonda Lucas [:He was like, you felt that? Yes. I mean, yeah, I felt it. No, you didn't. You pinched me, didn't you? Damn it.
Erica Lamar [:I woke up.
De'Shonda Lucas [:I had a baby. That's all I know about having a baby, okay? So I had never been to the hospital. I'm Jeffrey. You know me, honey. So I never been to the hospital. I'm like, oh, okay. My heart is enlarged. So they say, well, can you come back in two weeks? And we want to take you, send you to our other location, and we want to do an ultrasound.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Wait, what's the thing when they put the they put the thing on your stomach when you're having a baby, and they can see ultrasound. So she said, we want to do an ultrasound. I was like, okay. So two weeks later, I go for the ultrasound, and in this point, like, I've called my mom's, I call my dad's, call my family, and they say, Monday say my heart rate's enlarged. I got to go two weeks, and I got to get an ultrasound. And they were like, okay, you need us? I'm like, no, I just got to go get I'm still not thinking anything is wrong. I know something is wrong, but not like that wrong. Not the magnitude of what it ended up in.
De'Shonda Lucas [:So I go, they do an ultrasound, and they were like, yeah, we need to send you to get a they do the ultrasound. Yeah, your heart rate is really irregular. We're going to send you to do a Tee echo on your heart. And I say, okay, what is that? We're going to put a tube down your throat, and we're going to be able to take a picture of your heart and see in and I said, okay, when you want me to do that? They said, Come back in two weeks. We're going to send you to I think I went over to the Cap Medical. So in two weeks, I go back, and I believe this is the appointment that both sets of my parents came. Maybe they didn't come. Maybe they came at MRI.
De'Shonda Lucas [:But my parents came no, they came at MRI. So they do a te echo. They say, you have a hole in your heart? I'm like a hole in my heart. How the hell a hole in my heart? Like, I've been good all my life. Like for real? For real. I've been good all my life. So they said we need to do an MRI. Yes, it's the MRI that everybody came to because they gave some medication and all that kind of stuff.
De'Shonda Lucas [:So now my parents come into town, both sets of my parents. My mom and dad came from Macon. My dad and mom came from North Carolina. So everybody's there, and we're often in the way room. I go back, they do a T no. Then they do the MRI. So when they come back from the MRI, they were like, you have a hole in your heart the size of a 50 cent piece, and it's an oval. And I'm like, how am I living? I got a hole.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Like, how do you live with a hole in your heart that big?
Erica Lamar [:Grace.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Grace. Say it again.
Erica Lamar [:Grace.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Grace. Grace. Grace. Grace. Grace. Grace and mercy, baby. When I say grace and mercy carried me through. Grace and mercy carried me through.
De'Shonda Lucas [:And that is why I operate with such a joy in my heart. And it's just my natural essence just to be thankful and joyful. Like, I am thankful. I tell people all the time, start saying thank you. God will give you something to be thankful for.
Erica Lamar [:That's right.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Just start saying thank you. He'll give you something to be thankful for. So during this process, they was like, okay, you can have a procedure where we go through your groin and go up to your heart and then we end up putting the umbrella over the hole. And when you look at the umbrella, it's like you know how when you go and get a drink and they give you that umbrella on your little tiki drink? So it's like that. Now, I am a little smart, just a little bit, some might say. But you can't put a circle over an oval, and the circle is not bigger than the oval, and it still not be a hole. You just can't do that. Some going come through.
De'Shonda Lucas [:So what I did, and this is what I try to tell people all the time. You pay doctors, you pay the surgeons, you pay these people. They are working for you. You have a right to ask whatever question you want to ask. And I am so big on that. Even sometimes, like, my family go to the hospital, like, I'm coming because I need to talk to the doctor because you got to answer some questions for me, right? You just got to answer some questions. I literally went to the offices of about four surgeons and interviewed them to ask them about the procedure, how long they've been doing the procedure, what does the procedure look like, what is the recovery time? Because I'm like, you're not going to have me. Coming back in here in five to ten years.
De'Shonda Lucas [:That didn't work for me. So the next course was open heart surgery. So I elected to have open heart surgery because I wanted a long term result versus a short term result. Give me something that's going to last me a lifetime. So I interviewed four surgeons, and I end up connecting with through research and just finding out what doctors did. I interviewed the chief of cardiothoracic surgery at Emory Hospital, who at the time was Dr. Geithon, and I think he may still be the chief. And he did a procedure.
De'Shonda Lucas [:So most of the time when people have open heart surgery, they go straight down the chest and they crack the sternum. Now, young vein me if I didn't have to. I didn't want necessarily a scar going down my chest if I didn't have to. If there's another option, give me the other option. So what he did, he does an incision under the breast. So he went under my right breast to the other side of my chest and took the heart. The heart is in a sack. So he took the sack that the heart was in, took that sack and covered the hole, and that was the long term procedure that we elected to do.
De'Shonda Lucas [:And he was amazing. He was awesome.
Erica Lamar [:I got hundreds of questions from what you said, okay? The first question, because not a lot of people know you personally, but when I hear you say both sets of your parents, and you say your parents that are in Macon and your parents that are in North Carolina, the ones that are in Macon, that's al's parents.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Nope. Okay. So when I went to the MRI, both sets of my parents, my father and mother divorced, and I was four years old. Okay? My father has been remarried since I was seven. My mother has been remarried I don't even know how many years. Right? But my parents co parent me as a whole, I guess. Is that quad parent me as a whole? Is that the term? I'm making up a new term on the plug. They quad parent me.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Okay? And whenever there's something going on with me, whenever there's something going on with my child, my parents will come together, okay? So when I did the MRI before the procedure, my two sets of parents came. Now let me take you to surgery day. Surgery day. Both sets of my parents came. So my dad and my mom came. My mom I don't even know if my mom was remarried at the time. My mom was there. Al's parents were there, and a host of family, like my blended mom's side of the family was there.
De'Shonda Lucas [:I think they said my sisters came up, or I was talking to them on the phone, but a host of people were at this hospital because they all love me. And so I was surrounded by love when it was time for my surgery day. Now, most of my appointments leading up to the surgery, I went to by myself. I really did. And I had several appointments, I went to them by myself because I don't think no one knew just how major the surgery was or what was going on. You couldn't imagine how big it was until it was over. And you're like, Wait, did that just happen? Because it happened so fast. I have a cousin right now that whenever we talk and the topic comes up, he tells me the guilt he feels for not being there with me during that time.
De'Shonda Lucas [:And I had to tell him, like, I ain't know either. Nobody knew how major it was. But when it was like surgery day, everybody comes together. So let me tell you about the blessing. Hold on before we get to that part, okay? During the whole time of me preparing for surgery and going through these appointments so you know how you mentioned how your coworkers were like, what you eating and stuff like that? I am going to prepare my body for healing, and I want a lot of people to know that when you are going through something, you have to prepare your body for healing. And so in preparing my body for healing, I spent so much time spiritually preparing myself, just really being present with God. During the entire time of me getting ready, there was one song that I listened to. I listened to it before my surgery.
De'Shonda Lucas [:I listened to it the morning I got ready to have surgery, and I listened to it while I was healing. And the song says, All I need is a touch from you.
Erica Lamar [:Okay?
De'Shonda Lucas [:All I needed was a touch from God. That's all I needed, and I knew that was all I needed. And even when I go back and think about it, like, when you have open heart surgery, you literally die, and they have a body holding your organs in rhythm together, and without that touch from God to get me back, it wouldn't have happened. All I needed was a touch from God. So that's how I spiritually really prepared myself.
Erica Lamar [:So I do have a follow up for the question about your parents, and this is a perfect segue into it because you're explaining how you prepared yourself. But when I was asking about the parents and, you know, thinking about Mr. Mrs. Lucas as well, I started thinking about your daughter. How was it for you emotionally, knowing that you had a hole in your heart? She previously lost her husband, and now your daughter's here. It's like, okay, where is she going to land? You're a mother of a daughter. You're sitting there saying she's going to get married one day, she's going to have kids, and if I'm not here, what is that going to look like to her? How did that impact you emotionally?
De'Shonda Lucas [:So I believe remember, I told you I had never been sick, and I had this large hole in my heart. And so for people who knew, he was like, a 300 pound solid football player. True man of God, just a very honorable man, right?
Erica Lamar [:Yes.
De'Shonda Lucas [: This is: De'Shonda Lucas [:I was meditating and focused on what was right and how I was going to get it right and what God was going to do. I meditated daily. I walked, I ate. Like, the things I did. I prepared myself for healing. When we were getting ready for the surgery, like, my family was going to come to my house and care for me and stuff like that. My mom had come up, my dad had come into town. And I remember going to Home Depot and getting some flowers to put in my house, some different plants and stuff, because I'm creating a space for peace.
De'Shonda Lucas [:I'm so conscious and intentional on certain things. Like, I'm creating that. And on my way back from Home Depot, I'm driving my car, and Home Depot is less than ten minutes from my house. I'm driving my car, and the Holy Spirit speaks to me and he says, you are going to be here and you are going to live because you have to be there for her. Like, God has a plan for her. God has a plan for each of us and for God to execute his plan. There are certain guides and there are certain people that have to be on this side or the other side to make that happen. But God told me I had to be on this side.
De'Shonda Lucas [:He told me I was going to be there for her and I needed to be there for her. And because of that, I would live. So I went moving in fear, I was moving. In faith, I was moving and knowing what God told me, I was moving and knowing God's promise, like, that is what I was doing.
Erica Lamar [:Some young woman right now, she's listening to your story and she's exhausted and she has a newborn, and she's saying herself, oh, I'm just tired because of this child. I'm just going to keep doing what I have to do, not knowing that she may have something going on on the inside. What was it that made you finally go, other than have the insurance and just getting a regular physical. I know you said you retired, but what would you tell her to make her say, this is something absolutely you can't just discount it until it gets worse.
De'Shonda Lucas [:I would say, darling, at some point, you have to be tired of being tired. At some point, you have to love yourself enough to want the best of you for you first. At some point, we have to love others enough to want them to experience the best of us. I want you to experience the best of me. I don't want you to experience the worst of me. I don't want you to experience the tired of me. I don't want you to experience the stressed out of me, because I know who I am, and I know what the best of me looks like. And even when I didn't know who I was, I knew I was a better person than how I was operating.
De'Shonda Lucas [:I knew there was greater. And so I tell her, there is greater for you. When you want the exterior in your life to turn around, it starts with you. It starts with the person. People are getting the best of me because I'm the best of myself.
Erica Lamar [:I didn't get that.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Try again. Look, that's serious. Seriously. What you say? Again? For the people in the back. You getting the best of me because I'm the best of myself. Like, for real. And that is what it is. And having people who are concerned with your well being, yes, I want you to be the best of you.
De'Shonda Lucas [:You telling me you're feeling bad, baby? What are we going to do about it? Me and my girlfriends, like, we have a group text. Okay. I scheduled my mammogram. You scheduled yours?
Erica Lamar [:Yeah. That's good.
De'Shonda Lucas [:My girlfriends who are a little bit further in life, more seasoned. I scheduled my colonoscopy. Did you schedule yours? Women die of heart disease more than any. Go get a check. Why not?
Erica Lamar [:Absolutely.
De'Shonda Lucas [:I'd rather walk around knowing than not knowing.
Erica Lamar [:Right.
De'Shonda Lucas [:People say ignorance is bliss. Ignorance is BS. That's what ignorance is. It's not bliss. Ignorance is BS. Especially when you don't have to be ignorant.
Erica Lamar [:That's right.
De'Shonda Lucas [:So that's what it looked like. That's what I'm telling him.
Erica Lamar [:Okay. And then when she comes back to you and says, okay, I don't have insurance and I have this child, what was recovery like for you? Did you experience any losses or anything that would make you say, you know what? Maybe I should have done something different or whatever. What would you tell this young woman? Because she's starting to worry now, like, will I be able to take care of my child? Because it's just.
De'Shonda Lucas [:You got to connect. You got to connect. Some people I don't take for granted the family I have. I have an amazing family. There were probably about 15 to 20 people in the hospital. It might have been more than that. I don't know. I was back there, right? I have an amazing family.
De'Shonda Lucas [:But that is why a relationship with God is so important. Start calling the people that you want to your life into your life. A lot of people now, especially since COVID have so gotten out of going to church. I was raised in a church. I'm going to go to God's house because I want to connect with his people. I want to worship with his people. I want to bless his people. I want to be blessed by his people.
De'Shonda Lucas [:We have to start building relationships you reach out to. She's free to fly follow it on Instagram.
Erica Lamar [:So what is that about?
De'Shonda Lucas [:She's free to fly. She's free to fly cross generational conversations between women to love, to learn and to lead. And we really do what you and I are doing right now, just having conversations about life, having conversation about our experiences, because we all have something to share with one another. We all have something to learn from one another, and we all should be loving one another. Like, I just believe that what made.
Erica Lamar [:You do it, though? It just came down one day.
De'Shonda Lucas [:No. So Mariah is 20 now, and since she has been in school, she's had different experiences. And each experiences was to allow her to reach another level. I've always asked, what do you need in this point? I always ask God, what does she need? And so at each level you're free to fly. You're free to explore when she went off to college, she chose to go to school in California. And we live in Georgia, baby, you're free to fly when she got to California, she decided she was doing a study abroad. She wanted to go to school in Paris. You're free to fly she went to school in Greece.
De'Shonda Lucas [:You're free to fly. She's back in California. She's free to fly I'm just praying that the girl comes and lands and perched back in Atlanta with me just for a little while. She's still free to fly but, man, I told her the other day, because she's already accepted a job offer in Atlanta, and I told her, but she still has the freedom to interview and do whatever she wants. I said, Mariah, let me tell you something, girl. Now, I know I told you're free to fly, but you bringing your butt home. For a minute, I'm just my baby. But in that, I realized I was free to fly.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Even in my heart surgery. Think about your thyroid surgery. When we have these experience and we go through what we have to go through after that, we are free to fly. And us being free to fly helps other people become free to fly. Let me blow your mind. At the hospital, I'm having my surgery. When you have the major surgeries, you can ask for a chaplain to come over and pray for you. Right.
De'Shonda Lucas [:I asked this chaplain I asked for a chaplain to come pray for me. The chaplain comes in and prays for me with me. Young black guy. He comes in and prays with me. Then he goes out. He talks to my family. He talks to my family, and they mention they're from Macon. He says, hey, I was adopted, and my birth mother was from Macon.
De'Shonda Lucas [:This is at my procedure. Your birth mother's from Macon? Yes. Her name was such and such. He tells my family who his mother's name was. Please tell me why. He was able to identify exactly who his mother was, has found his siblings because of my surgery, and now another family is reunited.
Erica Lamar [:That's because Doc specializes in the impossible.
De'Shonda Lucas [:He specializes in the impossible. Our freedom leads other people to freedom.
Erica Lamar [:That's right. Just imagine if you never asked them to come pray.
De'Shonda Lucas [:If I never asked him to come pray. If I never went and got surgery, if I never interviewed the doctors, if I never chose the doctor I did. If I never went on the day that I did. God specializes in the impossible. I went and had surgery the Monday before Thanksgiving. I got out of the hospital on Thanksgiving Day. That's why Thanksgiving is such an important holiday for me. It is my most favorite holiday.
Erica Lamar [:And you know what my surgery was around Christmas.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Yeah.
Erica Lamar [:I went in on December the 21st, came out on the 22nd. And even though I wasn't able to eat all the stuff that I like exactly.
De'Shonda Lucas [:I know that's right. I know that's right. Oh, man. Man. Ladies, we got to care for ourselves. When we care for ourselves, we care for the world. I don't care what nobody say when I am right, the world is right.
Erica Lamar [:You have to be able to be an advocate for yourself.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Yes.
Erica Lamar [:One person tells you one thing doesn't necessarily mean it's right. You have the right opinion. Because imagine if you never got yes. What would that outcome? Again, if I had to just say, okay, well, right could be fourth stage now, trying to figure out what are the steps I might not even make it at all.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Right? Imagine if you never went to the gynecologist and you just kept going to the doctor. Imagine if I waited and I couldn't see a doctor, and I said, you know what? I don't want to see a nurse practitioner. Stop trying to determine who's sent here to help you. Ask God. God, see your people.
Erica Lamar [:Amen ready for the sad.
De'Shonda Lucas [:God, see your people. And that's what we're go ahead.
Erica Lamar [:It was actually a little funny thing that I was thinking about when you said you were kind of smart. No, girl, you were smart. All of us, class 96, we were smart. But you got to be thinking about Mr. Thursday when he used to teach us geometry. That man is standing up right now applauding because we heard him. No, this is not going to be so.
De'Shonda Lucas [:That's right. We learn in a little bit for a yeah, we learn a little bit for a yes. Yes. We were a pretty smart were erica was real smart, y'all. She was real, real smart. I was smart, but I was doing all other kind of stuff.
Erica Lamar [:You don't know the look. By the grace of God we learned look. Yep. By the grace.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Grace and mercy. Grace and mercy. I mean, it is so wonderful, man. It was so wonderful to do this with you. And it's wonderful for so many reasons. One is wonderful to connect with people who have the soul that you have, who have the upbringing, who have the values and the morals and stuff that you have. Like, we come from the same place. But more than that, it's also wonderful to record this podcast together for one another's growth, for one another's platform, for one another's audience, because that's what it is.
De'Shonda Lucas [: s stuff. Okay, we spent about: De'Shonda Lucas [:I'm more concerned that I am doing it.
Erica Lamar [:That's right.
De'Shonda Lucas [:When I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, god going to take care of the rest.
Erica Lamar [:Because initially, people are always saying, well, how many subscribers do you want and how many listening hours do you have? I'm like, look, as long as it changes one person, it's going to do exactly what it's supposed to do. As long as I stay consistent and do exactly what, we're going to be in the same little boat going down the ocean, bringing more people in, getting them to where they can talk about their issues, get past their issues.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Right. And I'll definitely be sure to refer people to you that who I know have had an experience that would be great for your listeners.
Erica Lamar [:I appreciate that. And with all the older ladies that are in my family, I know we can do a roundtable discussion with them and probably here's the things that will change lives and to go ahead and.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Yes, I hope so. I definitely hope so because he is free to fly. I am that she and you are that she and they are as well. So I thank you. I always say thank you. I pray that you receive my love. I pray that you will feel the God's grace and I pray that you share it with others. And I am signing out and you may as well, okay.
Erica Lamar [:But I absolutely love this episode because I haven't talked to you in years. In years. It is so great to see you. I mean, you look amazing. You are so eloquent, and you feel so even, so kind and so loving, such a beautiful person. And I'm glad that God connected us in middle school. You can see him in both of us as we go through our lives. And anyone who's out there that's struggling with who they are, what they want, take the time to check out her podcast, because you're free to fly.
Erica Lamar [:And if you are struggling with something within and you're worried about your health to come, embrace the fight with me. And God is here with us. And I just really am glad that we get a chance to do this.
De'Shonda Lucas [:Me too. Me too. When you embrace the fight, you win.
Erica Lamar [:That's right.
De'Shonda Lucas [:When you embrace the fight, you win. We both won because we embrace the fight. So thank you. Thank you for the invite.
